CCFC 1 v 0 West Brom

Big Match Preview

BREAKING NEWS....

The BBC has confirmed that the Fraud Office has interviewed members of the Match of the Day team in connection with the current football spot-fixing controversy.  In secret undercover recordings regular pundit Mr Mark Eeyore Lawrenson is apparently seen agreeing not to predict a single win for Cardiff City this season. In separate footage it is also alleged that he offers not to break into a smile unless discussing Liverpool's chances of a top 4 finish.

His colleague Mr Alan Scott Tracey Hansen is filmed agreeing to deploy the gratuitous use of the phrase 'Fantaaaaastic finish from Suarez. Unbelievable' (regardless of whether the Uruguayn has scored or is in fact on the pitch) at 20 second intervals when reviewing any match featuring Liverpool.

Elsewhere Mr Alan Mangled Syntax Shearer offers to provide a meaningful insight at least once a season.  The case against Lawrenson and Hansen is described as 'overwhelming' but police are struggling to find sufficient evidence to implicate Shearer.

OK, 15 games in and time to take stock. The unexpected and unwelcome defeat at Palace last Saturday disabused us of any fanciful notion that we might be good enough to avoid a relegation scrap. The visit of West Brom today provides the opportunity to assess the quality of one of the other scrappers at the start of a run of home games against teams who will surely be joining us in the fight for survival. The Baggies, Sunderland, West Ham, Norwich, Villa, Hull, Palace & Stoke will all visit the CCS before the end of season finale against Chelsea in May.

We've performed well against the elite but the glory games have been little more than a wonderful distraction from our main purpose - survival. If this is to be achieved we'll need pretty much a maximum return against our fellow strugglers.

The fun is over. The real business starts today. The coming months will prove difficult. There will be casualties. You may be one of them.

Before the end of May you will display some or all of the following symptoms: Excessive worry, sleep problems, irrational fears, muscle tension, chronic indigestion, panic, flashback, compulsive behaviours and self-doubt. These behaviours, normally associated either with the diagnosis of an Anxiety Disorder or the combined effects of the ingestion of 4 pints of ale and a Clark's pie, will become increasingly apparent as the season progresses and will affect your day-to-day behaviour and social interactions.

You will be distracted and may find for example that you struggle to respond to simple domestic instructions from your spouse; When interrogated by an unforgiving spouse you may be unable to recall the last thing she said; You may find her claims to understand the offside rule increasingly irritating and her efforts to empathise more so; In short, if we go down it will be her fault. Or the cat's. They have been warned.

MATCH REPORT

I've always had a sneaking admiration for The Baggies, a solid, honest, unspectacular club with a long and proud history which has struggled against the odds for many years to maintain its top flight status. In fact in the ten years from 2001 there was only one season when they were not involved in either a failed relegation struggle or a successful promotion campaign.

They invested their parachute payments wisely, assembling a modest squad with no hint of ostentatious or fans-appeasing marquee signings and are now under the guidance of a journeyman manager who was pretty much a one-club man with Chelsea before moving up the management ranks from youth team coach.

For a relatively humble club they've garnered some stellar support that puts our (mostly tenuous) showbiz and sporting links firmly in the shade. They have Frank Skinner and Lenny Henry, we have the side-splitting Griff Rhys-Jones; they have Ronnie Wood and Eric Clapton, we have the Super Furry Animals and, erm, Shakin' Stevens. Mind you honours are pretty even in the boxing ring where there'd be one hell of a scrap between Richie Woodhall and our own World Champ, Nathan Cleverly. As Harry Hill might say, 'Fiiiiiight!'

There wasn't much to choose between the two teams in terms of recent results as we began the day tied at the bottom of the current form league with two draws each from the last 6 games and one solitary win in the last nine.

If we are to survive it's vital for us to turn our decent performances against top half teams into points against lesser opposition. In a very real sense the season starts here. Our home form will determine our fate. And we could not afford to slip up today.

The changes in personnel and tactics that many of us had called for were answered by Malky as he replaced the solid Cowie down the right hand side with the more flamboyant Noone and brought in Odewingie (who the baggy-baiting Ali introduced to the crowd with an extravagant flourish) to help Campbell upfront in a more-or-less 4-4-2 formation.

In a bright start we took the game to the opposition and within two minutes World Cup Final referee Howard Webb awarded us a free kick on the edge of the box which Whitts dipped and swerved at pace only to see Welsh No.2 keeper Myhill panic-punch around the post.

There was a pleasing urgency from our boys as we dominated the opening exchanges. Mutch in midfield was playing aggressively and the tricky Noone, reaping the reward for some excellent 15 minute cameo appearances as sub recently, was getting the better of a stolid Baggies defence. The final delivery was however proving problematic in the swirling wind and we were unable to capitalise on our clear territorial dominance.

Caulker and Medel went close before Odemwingie was narrowly beaten to a Noone cross by the lunging Olsson as he prepared to pull the trigger just yards out. We're still the only team in the PL not to have led at half time this season but we had very much the better of a first 45 in which the opposition failed to register a single shot on target.

One of the less pleasing aspects of Premier League glitz is the tiresome half time corporate big screen hard sell which has replaced Ali's subtle, well-crafted half time top tunes, chosen for their commentary on prevailing issues of concern to the fans. My favourite was Dylan's 'Ballad of a Thin Man' with its line 'because something's going on here but you don't know what it is do you, Mister Jones' at the height of the Hammam fire sale. Mr Yassine's wit has been sadly neutered in the pursuit of the Yankee Dollar and the Malaysian Ringgitt and we are the poorer for its demise.

Derek The Weatherman had predicted that a Hard Rain was-a-gonna-fall from 4 o'clock onwards. And the housewife's favourite didn't let us down. If I said it rained cats and dogs then these were no ordinary moggies and mutts, these were pedigree Persians and Pugs.

I take on board the argument that football at its finest can be a beautiful game, an art form - brutalist or romantic; occasionally when the conditions dictate, impressionistic. As far as I could tell through my rain-splattered specs the second half tended towards the latter. How fitting then that the decisive moment of the game saw our most creative player right on the Monet.

Shortly after the best chance of the game fell to West Brom as Medel cleared off the line, Noone rampaged down the wing and floated a cross over for Whittingham arriving late and at pace to bravely rise and plant an unlikely header past Myhill. 1-0.

There were penalty calls for either team which the MOTD commentator was to describe as being within the 'I've seen them given' category before late substitutions saw the game open up with chances at either end. The best of them, right at the death, saw Marshall fling his torso in the opposite direction to his legs in an improbable frame-strainer of a save from the bemused Long.

The final whistle gave way to the strains of 'I'm A Believer' as Ali signified that there is still room for pointed, understated irony. Cheeky Monkee. Unfortunately for Steve Clarke the Baggy Board concluded that they could no longer believe in him and by late evening he was on The Last Train To Clarkesville.