CCFC 0 v 2 BRIGHTON

Some Possibly True Things You Probably Don't Know About Brighton

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•  In 1514 the town of Brighthelmstone was invaded by French forces who established England's first Quiche factory in the town. By the end of the 16th century the town had become the world's biggest exporter of egg-based pastries.

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•  Many of the Carry-On films were based in Brighton including Carry On Girls, Carry On At Your Convenience and Carry On Eating Quiche.

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•  In 1974 the Eurovision Song Contest was held in the town and was won by Swedish group Abba with their song 'Waterloo' which commemorated the defeat of Napoleon, the famous French military strategist and notorious quiche fancier.

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• In 1984 the IRA planted a bomb at the Grand Hotel with the intention of assassinating Margaret Thatcher. The bomb was detonated at night but the PM was saved as she had stayed up late preparing a speech and eating quiche.

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• The 2011 census revealed that whilst 42% of the local population professed no religious belief, 2.6% claimed to follow the Jedi cause, the highest in the UK. Brighton is renowned for embracing religious freedoms and tolerance and has a large Quaker presence with their pacifist tradition and their creed 'Blessed are the Quichemakers'.

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• Brighton has around 400 restaurants, more per head of population than anywhere outside London. A range of cuisines are available. Including Quiche.

In contrast to our recent stellar form, our opponents today have under-achieved in recent months. Having briefly led the table back in September their progress this season has been undermined by a number of unexpected reversals against lower opposition. They're the divisions draw specialists and have failed to win any game in which they've gone behind.

They have however not lost a game all season after taking the lead. An early goal tonight will settle the nerves nicely...

An early lead looked a realistic possibility as once again we took the game to the opposition from the off. An early darting run from Bellamy brought us a free kick on the edge of the box at a nice angle for a Whittingham special. Unfortunately we haven't seen one of those since October and as if to emphasise the decline in his influence the ball was given to Bellamy who failed to take advantage.

Shortly afterwards a couple of near misses / should have beens defined the game for us. Noone scuffed the ball from 6 yards and then Bellamy failed to get round Kuszczak when one-on-one with the keeper. Whittingham also had a sharply deflected shot pushed round the post by the excellent former Man Utd shot-stopper. The half was littered with misplaced passes as we dominated territorially but couldn't push on. Inevitably somehow, Brighton then caught us on the break.

After losing possession in midfield the ball was swept out to the wing and fed on a plate to the fleet-footed ex-Swansea and Barcelona man Orlandi who broke through our back line to place the ball past Marshall. His celebrations were unnecessarily impudent, somewhat lacking in restraint, as he took his place in Betty's little black book. 'Andrea'? Wot sort of stupid ruddy quiche-munching name is that for a bloke anyway??

At half-time I called it right (again) by suggesting that the ineffective and lightweight Noone should be replaced by Conway to beef up the left hand side. Sure enough Noone was given the hook after 10 minutes and Malky proved yet again to be as tactically astute as the more discerning members of his audience.

As the second half wore on Brighton went further into their shell, defending deep leaving one man on the halfway line to begin with and then bringing all ten back to repel the marauding Bluebirds. Their reputation for never having lost this season after taking the lead began to gain credence. I could catalogue every near miss but frankly we'd be here all day. Suffice to say that Campbell (twice) Gunnarsson (twice) Bellamy and the woodwork (thrice) conspired to deny us a well-merited leveller.

The six minutes of injury time was fully justified after much mischief-making by the battered opposition and tantalisingly held out hope for a point. We continued to apply the pressure but after Bellamy gave the ball away on the halfway line the Seagulls descended and deposited the ultimate indignity with just seconds remaining.

So, disappointing, but this was certainly no capitulation. Although 4 of the 5 chasing pack were impressive winners tonight and it does leave one feeling rather spleenish...

CCFC 2 v 1 BRIZZLE

The introduction to Douglas (Hitch-Hiker's Guide) Adams' and John (QI) Lloyd's book 'The Meaning of Liff ' begins 'In life there are many common experiences, feelings and situations which we all know and recognise but for which no words exist.'  The book attempts to remedy this by proposing new words - for example, the pleasant smell of an empty biscuit tin is a 'Lindisfarne' and 'Peoria' is the fear of peeling too few potatoes.

Football of course has a language all of its own, with its factually-correct but trite 'game of two halves', often played in an intimidating 'cauldron' in front of 'the faithful' who dream of 'playing host' one day to the likes of your Bests, your Maradonnas and your Messis who can 'turn on a sixpence' before making 'slide-rule' passes leading to 'text book' goals to produce a result that may ultimately be 'academic'.

But all players are assigned specific attributes. Even a 'journeyman' footballer can be blessed with 'an old head on young shoulders' containing 'an eye for goal'. And while he may have 'a monkey on his back' this is often counter-balanced by a substantial 'price-tag' on his chest. If he's really fortunate he'll have 'good feet for a big man' and possess an 'educated' or 'cultured' left foot. (Little is ever spoken in praise of the right foot which presumably left school at 15 and spends it days at William Hills waiting for them to weigh in at Newton Abbott).

There's not much in the accepted footie lexicon that adequately reflects the way we might be thinking or accurately sums up our sense of joy, anxiety, hope or despair. The impact of any interesting or insightful phrases has been diluted by overuse and consigned to cliché.

I can only find one reference to football in The Meaning of Liff: the word 'Hoddlesden' which is used to describe a footballer's limp after he's received treatment, but which doesn't fool anyone. How about some new words and phrases which more fully describe our experiences and personalise the 'slings and arrows of outrageous footie fortune' (Billy Shakespeare, Bard and left wing-half for Stratford Scribblers FC).

Spleenish - the prospect of witnessing an unassailable lead slowly disappearing over the closing weeks of the season

Stoutquizzle - A balding middle-aged former Soul Crew member, resplendent in his red (XXXL) replica shirt having previously vowed to rip up his season ticket if we gave up the blue.

Pricklesmirk - the secret enjoyment at hearing a totally inappropriate chant directed at the opposing fans

Wondervoid - The moment between the ball crossing the line and the net bulging.

Hoardingswarmer  (spoken with a Scandinavian accent) - The piece of towelling handed to Aaron Gunnarsson  to dry the ball before launching a long throw into the box.

Champster - An occasional fan who owns 3 scarves, commemorating the Wembley finals, which will be given their first airings at the CCS should we make it to the Premier League and will be worn under a Barbour jacket.

Giggsage - The quantitative measure of a player's longevity and commitment to one club eg. 'McNaughton is the longest serving player in the current squad. He's given great Giggsage.'

Chorlton-cum-Hardy - The diffident wave made by Peter Whittingham as he acknowledges the crowd before stepping up to take a corner.

Feel free to add to the collection...

And so to the visit of our near neighbours for today's Severnside Derby, a fixture that S Wales Plod moved forward by two hours to counter the perceived threat to the very fabric of society of 1500 deflated Bristolians. It would be nice if the authorties could acknowledge that the game has moved on - Hooliganism is sooo last century... Still, the chance to reclaim our 11 point lead at the top for a couple of hours and to further strengthen our promotion buffer.

New Robins' manager Sean O'Driscoll has begun to steady a sinking ship in recent weeks but they remain very much in danger of floundering on the rocks. As the afternoon unfolded it became increasingly clear why.

In recent weeks we've entertained a number of relegation-threatened teams - Peterboro, Ipswich, Sheff Wed - who've surprised us by competing with a determination, commitment and no little skill that suggests they're in with a shout. Not so Bristol. It was immediately apparent that they believed their only chance of getting anything out of this game was by shutting us out and hoping to catch us on a very rare break. Their only outlet up front was the veteran Stead who no longer looks capable of cutting it at Championship level.

For 45 minutes we were relentless, getting the ball down both wings, mostly to Noone who was giving their right back a torrid time. However, former Bluebird Tom Heaton in the Brizzle goal was alive to every possibility, particularly from long range efforts and free kicks. His positioning and anticipation reflected the fact that he's spent many hours on the training field with Whitts and Bellers in recent times. And when the ball did run free inside the box it always seemed to fall to one of our loitering defenders rather than an opportunist striker.

New boy Campbell was lively but struggling to find space in a packed final third. However, a frustrating first half was to conclude with some reward for our domination as Campbell linked up with Tommy Smith, breaking free and cleverly placing the ball wide of the advancing Heaton with the outside of his boot. 1-0.

Top half-time tune was the old Small Faces standard that begins with the line 'Wouldn't it be nice to get on with me neighbours.' A wonderfully appropriate tune if only we had actually been playing on a 'Lazy Sunday Afternoon'.

The second half was to follow the precision-cut template prepared during the first. Within a minute Campbell was back in the thick of the action having a reasonable shout for a penalty turned down in clear site of the assistant running the line in front of us. Still, clearly there would be more opportunities to make the game safe.

About 10 minutes in the ball-boy dutifully handed Gunnarsson his hoardingswarmer. As Betty was bemoaning the fact that we never seem to take full advantage of the Icelander's special weapon, the ball flew into the box and landed at the feet of Campbell who seemed to have an unfeasibly long time in a crowded box to steady himself and choose his spot. 2-0. Cue an outbreak of pricklesmirk as the Canton End mercilessly taunted the away fans with 'You're just a cheap local airport' etc...

Shortly afterwards Malky decided to kill off the game as a spectacle by bringing on the dour Cowie to replace the energetic Smith. Campbell departed next, replaced by Helguson to further widen the flair deficit. Tactically astute but disappointingly negative. The opportunity to push on and win in some style was sacrificed at the altar of hard-nosed pragmatism. If that sounds ungrateful well perhaps after a 5 week absence we had the right to expect more than 60 minutes of top-notch entertainment.

In the event the tactic of killjoy keep-ball almost came undone at the death as the tiring Nugent carelessly placed his back pass wide of the advancing Marshall and into his own net. Fortunately we were well into Pro Supplements Time by then but it was an unnecessarily daft denouement.

So we finish the weekend still comfortably 11 points clear of the play-offs fodder with a member of the chasing pack in Brighton lined up for slaughter next Tuesday.

Orpington - the warm glow that comes from the certainty that your dreams will soon be realised.