CCFC 2 v 2 SUNDERLAND

OK, before we start let's recall how we got into this mess and draw a line under the crisis to date. So that we can move bravely forward, confident that the next one will be just around the corner...

• May 2010: Vincent Tan joins the Cardiff board as Peter Ridsdale moves on, with Dato Chan Tien Ghee appointed as chairman.
• June 2011: The club appoint Malky Mackay as manager, with Dave Jones sacked after a play-off semi-final defeat.
• May 2012: Tan then opts to change the club's shirts from blue to red, claiming the move is to drum up interest in the Far East where red is seen as a strong colour which brings good luck.
• September 2012: Tan replaces the club's chief executive, Alan Whiteley, with known associate Simon Lim.
• April 2013: Mackay takes Cardiff to the Championship title, winning promotion to the Premier League.
• August 2013: Tan tells Mackay, in no uncertain terms, to make good of the £35m he spent in the transfer window.
• October 2013: Mackay's trusted head of recruitment, Iain Moody, is replaced by unknown 23-year-old Alisher Apsalyamov, a friend of Tan's family.
• 16 December: Two days after a win over West Brom - after which Mackay said he wanted three players in the January window - Lim releases a statement on behalf of Tan which berates Mackay for his comments and tells him he will get "not a single penny" in the winter window.
• 19 December: Mackay is told in a letter from Tan, sent via email, that he must resign or be sacked.
• 21 December: Mackay says after his team's 3-1 defeat at Liverpool that he will not resign.
• 22 December: Dalman says in a club statement that Mackay will remain in charge for the "foreseeable future" and that he aims to facilitate talks between Mackay and Tan.
• 26 December: Cardiff City fans protest against the ownership of Vincent Tan before their 3-0 defeat by Southampton - Mackay's final game in charge.

• 28 December: Victory at the halfway point of the season with 20 points in the bag, OR
• 28 December: A morale-sapping failure against the bottom team confirms us as a club in crisis.

After 83 minutes it was the former but after the morale-sapping finale it's now very much the latter. How did that happen??

We started so well and played with a belief and confidence that the fans had no right to expect and had chances to score in the 5 minutes played before we took the lead. With Noone attacking down the right flank, Mutch and Kim pushing forward and a Sunderland defence completely on the back foot it was a rare example this season of us turning dominance into something tangible when Mutch forced the ball home via a deflection. 1-0.

Up in the directors' box Vincent Tan danced a jig to which the fans responded with a chant of 'That's for Malky, that's for Malky' putting the scoundrel firmly in his place.

There were a few anti-Tan, pro-Malky banners around the place and it's apparent that for the time being anyway the backlash has seen the traditionalists firmly in control of the club colours as the tyranny of the red has been pushed to the margins.

In an action that would have been fully endorsed by the Ministry of People's Security in North Korea or communist controlled East Germany's Stasi Secret Police the largest banner was chased around the family stand by Tan's uniformed goons as they moved in to quell any dissent. Their Keystone Cops incompetency as they chased down the heretics drew some of the biggest cheers of the afternoon.

Back on the pitch it took the opposition 30 minutes to have a shot on target as the impressive Ki - on loan from Swansea Town - drew a diving save from Marshall which he parried into the path of U.S. striker Dozy, sorry, Jozy Altidore who fumbled the ball past the post, drawing unfavourable comparisons with our own former American profligate striker, the fabled Eddie Johnson.

The first half drew to a close with the home side fully in control and continuing to carve out opportunities against a fairly demoralised Sunderland team who only two days previously had ended Everton's 12 month unbeaten home run. Things were going just swimmingly in Tan's post-Malky Year Zero winter wonderland.

During the interval I took the opportunity to browse for some end of year bargains and found some interesting DVDs in Mark Kermode's Bluebirds in Crisis Top 10 Films of All Time:

1. Vincent Tan: The Edge of Reason

2. The Agony & The Ecstasy

3. The Assassination of Malky Mackay By The Coward Vincent Tan

4. Bring Me The Head of Vincent Tan

5. Vincent Tan: Despicable Me

6. Dirty Rotten Scoundrel

7. Something's Gotta Give

8. Fear And Loathing In Sloper Road

9. There's Something About Vincent

10. How The Vince Stole Christmas

The start of the second half was a pretty scrappy affair with neither side settling. On the hour, shortly after temporary boss Kerslake was seen to pass around a piece of paper with written instructions, we doubled our lead. Mutch collected the ball on the edge of the box, skipped past a couple of defenders and fed the ball through to Campbell to slot home. 2-0. Just the buffer we needed to face the remaining 30 minutes with confidence.

The Black Cats responded positively. They'd brought on the experienced Steven Fletcher for Borini following the Italian striker's apparent collapse at half time and looked more of a potent threat going forward but we looked comfortable. We brought on Cowie and Gunnarsson for the tiring Kim and Noone, and surprisingly with 10 minutes to go Cornelius, ostensibly an out-and-out striker (although the evidence for that is fairly thin) when the object surely was to close the game down.

On 83 minutes Fletcher managed to lose Turner inside the 6 yard box to reduce the deficit and cause panic amongst the previously indifferent home crowd. Now, spurred on by a jubilant away contingent, Sunderland took the game to the City as we sat back unable to stem the flow.

The fourth official's board showed an inconceivable 5 minutes of extra time; the anxiety on and off the pitch was palpable. With just 40 seconds remaining we looked to have soaked up the pressure when the ball fell to the feet of T-C who instead of blasting the ball halfway down Sloper Road scuffed a clearance back to the opposition. A desperate last-ditch shot from Colback deflected off Caulker's boot and over Marshall to the despair of the wretched broken Bluebirds.

It was the cruellest and unlikeliest of denouements to the latest episode of the soap opera being played out in CF11. The plot is so far-fetched, the script so fanciful, that surely the time has come for the final whistle to be replaced by the theme tune to East Enders.

It's getting late so I think I'll just pop over to Melbourne to see if our heroes in white can lift the winter blues. Ah...

Best wishes for a prosperous and angst-free 2014.

CCFC V SUNDERLAND BIG MATCH PREVIEW

So, the good guy lost.

And confirmation comes this morning that the lunatics have assumed control of the asylum with the emboldened Sam Hammam feeling able to pitch for the position of Lucifer's representative by stating  with a chilling resolve that 'It is now high time that Vincent Tan takes control of all aspects of the club...there is one word here - 'control'

Hammam is looking poised to become Tan's propaganda chief - the Joseph Goebbels to his Adolf Hitler; or more accurately the Comical Ali to his Saddam Hussein. We can look forward to months of spin and denial if recent outpourings are any guide.

Hammam's response to universal criticism of Tan in the world's media: 'These cowards have no morals. They have no shame about lying. Do not believe them. They only deserve to be hit with shoes'

The 0-3 defeat to Southampton has been subject to the new regime's revisionism and the official line is now: 'Their forces capitulated. The battle was very fierce but God made us victorious.'

Looking forward to today's visitors Hammam said: 'We will slaughter them. We will welcome them with bullets and shoes'.

 Disgruntled fans have referred to the two as 'Muppets'. They might have a point.

Hammam and Tan

Bert and Earnie

            

 

                                                   

And so the search for Malky's successor continues. In a small field of realistic contenders for the club's new manager, current odds are:

OLE GUNNAR SOLSKJAER             1-Squillions

VINCENT TAN                                      10-1

DAVE BASSETT                                  12-1

MIKE BASSETT                                    15-1

BERTIE BASSETT                                15-1

BIG BIRD                                                25-1      

Match Report to follow...

CCFC v SOUTHAMPTON

It's been another interesting week in the life of a Bluebird. We've all got our own views about the recent turn of events and under normal circumstances we might turn to the pages of The Echo (obviously out of force of habit rather than for reasons of journalistic plausibility and insight) to catch up with events and inform our viewpoint. But this week as 5 Live's Jon Champion said on Saturday 'everybody wants to talk about Cardiff City'. Like a bad-boy Hollywood or reality TV celeb we have become the go-to slow news day page filler.

Vincent Tan's entirely self-inflicted domestic difficulties have made headlines around the world and given rise to some lurid speculation and some sensational claims. Here's a sample:

JOHANNESBURG TIMES: Tutu To Chair Tan Mackay Truth And Reconciliation Committee

BOSTON GLOBE: Sensational New Eye-witness Claim - I Saw Tan On Grassy Knoll

DAILY EXPRESS: Diana CCTV Tapes Prove Tan Was In Tunnel

THE SUN: Vincent Tan Ate Freddie Starr's Hamster

DAILY SPORT: Lord Lucan Discovered Living In Vincent Tan's Moustache

MUSLIM NEWS: Mackay Image Discovered In Kiwi Fruit

CATHOLIC HERALD: Malky Is Mother Theresa Love Child

FASHION WEEKLY: Stella McCartney To Unveil Vincent Tan Spring Collection

...and finally an interesting but clearly rhetorical question from THE INDEPENDENT: Is Cardiff City's Vincent Tan The Worst Club Owner In The History Of Football? Erm, tricky one...!

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/news-and-comment/is-cardiff-citys-vincent-tan-the-worst-club-owner-in-the-history-of-football-9019743.html

CCFC 0 v 3 SOUTHAMPTON

We arrived at the ground to the news that hundreds had answered the call to protest before the game and it was clear that the predominant colour in the ground was blue. In fact the only red on display was the deep crimson of rage and embarrassment in the director's box. Tan himself appeared to be flanked by a number of heavies as he took his seat to a rousing chorus of 'Don't Sack Mackay' followed by more direct and less subtle tunes as the Canton End vented its collective spleen.

The line-up didn't include Gary Medal who presumably picked up an injury in Saturday's defeat at Liverpool which left the midfield ominously lightweight. Plenty had been calling for Cornelius to be given a chance ahead of Odemwingie up front but Malky kept faith with the 4-4-2 / 4-4-1-1 arrangement with Campbell spearheading the attack.

Southampton played five across the middle and this was to prove decisive as they immediately took control playing a neat, efficient short passing game, retaining possession with ease and dominating an unimaginative and disorganised City midfield.

Against the run of play (as we soccer journos like to say) the first real chance of the game fell to the home team as Whittingham ghosted into the box to meet a penetrating cross from Noone but failed to make full contact from 6 yards with just the keeper to beat. An early goal would surely have helped to instil some belief and reinvigorated the team after days of morale-sapping speculation off the pitch. It wasn't to be.

On 14 minutes the impressive Lallana skipped past a completely out of sorts Taylor - who was playing like he'd reacted to the off field distractions by taking refuge in a very well stocked pantry - to cross to the rampaging Rodriguez who slotted the ball past Marshall. 0-1.

Worse was quickly to follow as the Saints doubled their lead when Rodriguez again lost his man at the far post to volley home Lambert's through ball and make it 0-2 after 20 minutes.

We were now playing with all the belief and expectation of a turkey on Christmas Eve staring fearfully at a pound of sprouts. If the sainted opposition had any lingering doubts whether they'd been naughty or nice, these were settled on 27 minutes when Lambert was gifted a third.

The implausible man in the red tunic left his seat in the director's box knowing that his day's work was done, presumably to offer some seasonal cheer to a hard-up out of work manager.

As half time approached Southampton had a 10 minute period of virtually 100% possession, each successful pass being welcomed by their fans like it was a wholly expected but nonetheless much appreciated gift-wrapped new pair of socks. The teams left the pitch to the sound of wild cheering from one corner of the ground and disgruntled seasonal jeer and humbugging elsewhere.

The big screens reminded us of our duty to continue to go out and buy stuff when what we really needed was a good old Ali half-time soundtrack to serve as an antidote and put our troubles in perspective. He might have chosen from any of the following:

Malaysian Idiot - Green Day

Sweet Mean Vincent - Ian Dury

Tan Strung Up In Blue - Bob Dylan

Tan On The Run - Wings

The Fool On Leckwith Hill - The Beatles

The Boulevard De Nantes Of Broken Dreams - Green Day

What Have We Done to Deserve This? - Pet Shop Boys

The second half was all about containment which the opposition managed with consummate ease. With the honourable exceptions of Noone and the tireless Campbell (the victim of a number of woeful decisions from the official running the line on our side - flagged on one occasion for being hauled down by a defender!) we were about as threatening as a Canton End taunt. Cornelius was given an extended run out and looked every inch a quality Sunday morning pub team reserve, but it's not for me to condemn him at this point - the coming weeks will allow him ample opportunity to do that for himself.

BREAKING NEWS...BREAKING NEWS...BREAKING NEWS...

In a statement straight from the North Korean Guide to News Management the Official Website has announced 'The Board of Directors have today relieved Malky Mackay of his duties'. What a heart-warming magnanimous gesture.

'Hey That's No Way To Say Goodbye' - Leonard Cohen.