A ‘demonym’ is the word used to describe where somebody comes from, so that people from Cardiff are called ‘Cardiffians’, natives of Liverpool are ‘Liverpudlians’ or ‘Scousers’ and people from Swansea are annoying. So what is the Bournemouth demonym? ‘Blue-rinsers’? UKIPians? Bewildered? My research suggests there doesn’t appear to be one. It’s not a place that has any obvious identity. A seaside town where sheds of grey slowly rot under vanilla skies, the people who live in Bournemouth or to use the official demonym ‘People Who Live In Bournemouth’ seem to hate living in Bournemouth.
Here are some reasons why, listed in a website dedicated to ‘The Worst Things In Bournemouth’:
- General ugliness
- Junkies and drunken loonies
- Singing tramps
- Summer tourists
- Winter tourists
- Boscombe
- Chavs, snobs and old people
- Parking meters
- Glitz-Veneered mediocrity
- Townies on the number 5 bus
I hope that hasn’t changed your retirement plans. On the plus side famous People Who Live in Bournemouth include Tony Blackburn, Gordon The Tramp, the woman who wrote Lark Rise To Candleford and the drummer from seminal 70’s band Spontaneous Combustion. No, nor me.
But there is no doubt who most People Who Live In Bournemouth would choose as the Cherry on top of their Victoria Sponge. Eddie Howe has taken the most unfashionable team in England from a position 17 points adrift in the fourth tier to the top of the Championship. This is quite impressive. If the Bluebirds have long been considered a ‘sleeping giant’ of British football then AFC Bournemouth has been the dozing OAP dribbling into the Cat Kisdston quilt of twee ambition.
Along with most People Who Live In Bournemouth their team seems to thrive when away from the town. Their away form this season has been nothing short of sensational and includes a 4-0 win at Huddersfield, a 6-1 victory at Blackpool and the record-breaking 8-0 thumping of Birmingham. Last time out they beat Fulham 5-1. Cripes!
On paper this game was a mismatch. Based on recent away form Bournemouth are ranked No.1 while City’s home form over the same period puts them down in 22nd. Every outfield Bournemouth player has scored this season; tonight’s strike force has contributed 30 goals between them and their midfield has chipped in with 25. In contrast we rely heavily on Kenwynne Jones who’s netted 13 times. His partner upfront tonight, Revell, has scored just twice since joining us in January. The next best contributor after Jones is defender Morrison with 6.
So when after 5 minutes our ponderous defence stood back and allowed the opposition to fire against the bar from outside the box, a subdued home crowd could see the writing on the wall. On 15 minutes our worst fears were realised as our repeat offender defenders offered Harry Arter the chance to take aim, Moore’s positioning and anticipation perhaps suspect as the ball flew and dipped over him from 30 yards. 0-1. Bournemouth continued to dominate possession looking every inch a settled, confident, organised well-drilled outfit capable of performing well on a bigger stage.
In recent months we’ve grown accustomed to abandoning hope at this point. But results at the CCS haven’t necessarily always reflected the balance of play, happenstance and blunder often combining to frustrate us. Tonight after an unpromising start the back four tightened up, the midfield competed and we performed well against superior opposition, displaying a spirit and belief that has been absent, drained by reverses on the field and distracted by events off it.
We were also blessed by the presence of Lady Luck, making her debut at the CCS this season and lending a helping hand in the battle against the previously undeniable dead hand of dubious decisions. Lee Mason a PL regular proved to be a soft touch, easily swayed by an opposition schooled in the dark arts but crucially making the wrong call on the big decisions. Each one to our advantage.
In the first half Charlie Daniels turned in the box and as The Devil Went Down For Bournemouth (unavoidable gratuitous reference to 70’s bluegrass crossover hit) we held our collective breaths before releasing a triumphant ‘yee-hah!’
Later in the game, after Bruno had levelled with a powerful header ghosting into the box to meet a Whitts corner, and with the opposition searching for the winner, Mason chose discretion and his own PL ambition over valour by ruling out a perfectly legitimate if unconventional Bournemouth winner. Moore blasted a clearance against the back of Callum Wilson which rebounded off the bar into the path of Wilson to poke the ball over the line. There was no infringement, no obstruction and to compound his misery Wilson was shown a yellow card. Hey ho…and thank you Mr Mason.
The match stats suggest that with 66% possession Bournemouth will consider they did enough to return home with three points, and a couple of months ago they surely would have run out comfortable winners. But there’s evidence of a renewed determination and belief in recent performances as our squad adjusts to the new management regime, suggesting that while we’re some way off being contenders we’re no longer the whipping boys.
As for The Cherries, part-owned by an ambitious but discreet Russian billionaire who rarely ventures out of his Sandbanks mansion, and managed by an engaging fresh-faced nice guy, they may well sneak into the Premier League, quietly, without making a fuss. And The People Who Live In Bournemouth will surely find that most agreeable.
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